It seems like the same ol situation

Last night I went out with "TG" We headed to Hopsleaf in Chicago and what a great place! I like TG, but I don't think in the same manner he likes me. He told me he loves me, cares for me and if he would ask me to marry him, will I? I couldn't answer him. I kinda dodged it, I know you cant dodge that question so I guess I ignored it.

Anyway, we spent the night together and I didn't feel it. I didn't have the feelings of I love this guy, I felt those feelings from him. I didn't feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him. He loves me tooooo much. I don't remember having a guy ever putting me on this high of a pedestal, really. I have had boyfriends who loved me, cared for me and put me on a pedestal but never like this.

This guy is different, he says that I deserve flowers and gifts and more. He Say's that I'm beautiful, that he loves me, wants to hold my hand, kisses me is willing to give me anything I want. I have had this before but not like this, this is different.

I so wanted to hide when he asked me if it would be so bad to have his baby? I told him no. I said it's not that, it's that I don't have a job, I don't have $, I don't have anything to be able to provide for another person. I'm still a tad selfish,a tad. I'm willing to give up me for a little one , but not having a hubby in my life it is a little scary to admit that I can not be selfish, you know?

This guy really cares for me and me being the Biatch invited my buddy AcaJoe to join us for drinks. TG said he doesn't mind, but I know he did it came out later. When the 2 guys were together they were like competing for my attention, it was cute. (AcaJoe and I have never had anything together, he is only my friend.) Acajoe wanted to sit next to me and I told him to scoot cause I was with TG. AcaJoe wanted to get me a drink and TG was like I will get it. TG was holding my hand OPENLY and giving me a smooch here and there and Acajoe was like WHATEVAH.

I'm AcaJoes girl forever. I dont mean like a girlfriend but a friend. He is a great guy eventhough he says that he is an "asshole" He is a truly great guy. I hope that he finds the girl that is ment to be in his life.

TG is also a good guy and deserves a girl that will love him the same way he loves her. I told him I want to be friends and if something develops into something more then great but at this time it's not.

I dont know, I dont know, I dont know. Sorry for my ramblings I know it's all over the place.

New Year New Everything?

I dont have a job. The job that i was doing was a temp. to hire job and I wasnt hired. I feel a little bitter sweet about it for the obvious reasons. I'm happy to be in Chicago and sad that I wont be traveling for FREE and of course working with $$$ coming into my pocket, but Oh well! Shit happens.

When I got home christmas Eve I only stepped out of the house 3 times in 2 weeks. I became a hermit in my house I think I was exsasted. All I did was chill in bed and chill. I wasnt bored I just wanted to chill, I wanted to relax and that is exsactly what I did. It wasnt till yesterday that I started to feel energy to get up and do things. It's as if my energy had been turned on, it's actually nice to feel alive again!