I was excited to see Tropic Thunder last night. I was talking to my buddy on the phone as I waited for him to come home. He got out of the car and gave me a kiss and a hug. He still looked the same, I expected him to come home and have lost weight and look rested. Nope, not at all. He came home the same way he left.
I was happy to see him, he cooked for me and we talked a bit. I think the talk killed the mood. He is going back to Ecuador. I'm sadden by this. He told me the truth. I have told him time again that I want no BS, I want it straight forward and he gave it to me. It is a possibility that he will go back for 6 months and return.
I know I must stay away, for my own good.
The time it took me to DETOX from him was painful.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
feeling a little blue
I have had my 2nd crying spell this week.
The first one was during the weekend, my mom did not want to attend my nephews bday party. I couldn't understand why, so I just began tearing up. I drove to my nephews home crying. I went in to the party and tried to put on my best party face, but did not fool anyone. I was constantly asked why I was so serious and I kept telling then that this was me, I'm serious!
My last crying spell was a little bit ago. I'm home enjoying my Thursday night and I get a call from Tropic Thunder he asked me to come over, he is being his silly self and I'm I guess in a serious mood and not in the mood to be funny. He obviously doesn't know that but I just cried. I cried and cried like a baby as soon as we hung up. What is wrong with me?
I really like Tropic Thunder why wouldnt I be happy to see him? I havent seen him in 3 months. I have waited for this day for so long!!
The first one was during the weekend, my mom did not want to attend my nephews bday party. I couldn't understand why, so I just began tearing up. I drove to my nephews home crying. I went in to the party and tried to put on my best party face, but did not fool anyone. I was constantly asked why I was so serious and I kept telling then that this was me, I'm serious!
My last crying spell was a little bit ago. I'm home enjoying my Thursday night and I get a call from Tropic Thunder he asked me to come over, he is being his silly self and I'm I guess in a serious mood and not in the mood to be funny. He obviously doesn't know that but I just cried. I cried and cried like a baby as soon as we hung up. What is wrong with me?
I really like Tropic Thunder why wouldnt I be happy to see him? I havent seen him in 3 months. I have waited for this day for so long!!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Another dream
this dream is a bit short, because I dont remember the details too much (not common). I was going to visit Tropic Thunder at his home and ended up in my alley. It was raining light. It then began to to thunder, i was moving from garage to garage to have shelter from the rain and as I did that there were was lightning hitting the ground near me. I kept thinking I need not touch anything metal or get away from my metal sorroundings. I began to wonder why the lightning ket coming too close to me? I was never hit by the lightning but came close several times.
The end.
The end.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Dreams
I dream allot. You might not think that is not a bad thing, but I do. I dream too much and I remember them, vividly.
Last night I dreamed that I was somewhere in Europe. I was in Harold's department store and I was checking out some rainboots that where on clearance. The boots were black rubber and multicolor, they were cute and useful. The cost of these boots were $12.48. I stood there debating if I should get them when the group of Friends I was with told me they were going upstairs to check out the clothing area. I told them I would wait there for them while I pondered on the boots.
Awhile later I hear gun shots, so I run out the store without the boots. LOL. In my dream I didn't buy them WTF? LOL
So I wait outside for my friends and walk to the car. On the way we take a break to smoke, as we stand smoking near an alley a group of thuggish looking guys come towards us, so we decide to take of to the car. As we chit chat at the car the guys come by and are rude and obnoxious. I decided to go to my blue VW bug as I get in one of the rude obnoxious guys opens my car hood and get into my car. I try to start the car, but I'm unable to start my I try to hit and kick him but he shoves me to the back of the and takes off with me in it. As we drive by my friends I pound on the window and scream to catch their attention but they don't notice. That is how my first part of my dream ends.
2nd part was the following. Tropic Thunder (my lover) came home from his looooooooooooong trip. We picked me up and we drove to a store where he both me clothing a white sweater with a white fur trim on the collar. It was a nice sweater and it cost $150. Then we arrived at his house and there was a block party as I stood in the heat there was a lady who left her green purse. I went around the block party trying to find the owner of the purse, I never found her, so I gave it to women to to take over the search. Finally I got to Tropic Thunders home and as I was walking up the stairs his neighbors would stop me and invite me in they would tell me how much they missed me that why haven't I come around.
The end
That was it.
Last night I dreamed that I was somewhere in Europe. I was in Harold's department store and I was checking out some rainboots that where on clearance. The boots were black rubber and multicolor, they were cute and useful. The cost of these boots were $12.48. I stood there debating if I should get them when the group of Friends I was with told me they were going upstairs to check out the clothing area. I told them I would wait there for them while I pondered on the boots.
Awhile later I hear gun shots, so I run out the store without the boots. LOL. In my dream I didn't buy them WTF? LOL
So I wait outside for my friends and walk to the car. On the way we take a break to smoke, as we stand smoking near an alley a group of thuggish looking guys come towards us, so we decide to take of to the car. As we chit chat at the car the guys come by and are rude and obnoxious. I decided to go to my blue VW bug as I get in one of the rude obnoxious guys opens my car hood and get into my car. I try to start the car, but I'm unable to start my I try to hit and kick him but he shoves me to the back of the and takes off with me in it. As we drive by my friends I pound on the window and scream to catch their attention but they don't notice. That is how my first part of my dream ends.
2nd part was the following. Tropic Thunder (my lover) came home from his looooooooooooong trip. We picked me up and we drove to a store where he both me clothing a white sweater with a white fur trim on the collar. It was a nice sweater and it cost $150. Then we arrived at his house and there was a block party as I stood in the heat there was a lady who left her green purse. I went around the block party trying to find the owner of the purse, I never found her, so I gave it to women to to take over the search. Finally I got to Tropic Thunders home and as I was walking up the stairs his neighbors would stop me and invite me in they would tell me how much they missed me that why haven't I come around.
The end
That was it.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Playing it safe!
I have always played it safe with everything in my life. I have always followed the law and the rules. With that I'm going to do something stupid.
My friend who I really really love! Called me today. He is in Ecuador and needs some $$$. Tropic Thunder has been there since late November. I have missed him dearly since then. I have gone through detox from him and his body.
He has called me several time since he has been in Ecuador, but have always missed his calls so I have had a relationship with his voicemail.
I spoke to him yesterday and was soooooo happy to hear from my baby. He told me that he will be returning to Chicago next week. I told him that I missed and and cant wait to see him. i swear Tropic Thunder had me jumping up and down after we hung up. This man drives me crazy.
Today I wake up to a voicemail, it was him, asking me to call him back. I had a feeling what it was for. I thought maybe he needed me to pick up something in Chicago or from his home. Well, he asked me for $$$
He continued to explain why and when he would pay me back even after I told him I would send it. I think he thought it would be harder to convince me.
He knows that I'm not working and cant borrow $ but I'm lending it to him. I calld this a stupid move and would have said nooooooooo but I'm not. I'm not going to play it safe this time, I'm letting my feelings guide me instead of my brain.
He calls when he needs money and I say ok. LOL I'm so stupid!
So with that i'm off to Western Union to wire $$$ to Ecuador.
I say i'm so stupid cause he has been gone for almost 3 months and have only spoken to him twice since he has been gone and those 2 calls have been in the last 2 days. Me nace darle este dinero, yesterday when I spoke to him I wanted to tell him if he was ok with $$$ if he needed to borrow but stopped myself cause i'm not in the position to let people borrow from me. Now here I am giving it up.
People i'm broke, i'm living on my saving that according to my coculations will last me another 3 months, after that i'm in trouble I will have to work at HEAVENLY BODYS cause I need cash money everyday!
My friend who I really really love! Called me today. He is in Ecuador and needs some $$$. Tropic Thunder has been there since late November. I have missed him dearly since then. I have gone through detox from him and his body.
He has called me several time since he has been in Ecuador, but have always missed his calls so I have had a relationship with his voicemail.
I spoke to him yesterday and was soooooo happy to hear from my baby. He told me that he will be returning to Chicago next week. I told him that I missed and and cant wait to see him. i swear Tropic Thunder had me jumping up and down after we hung up. This man drives me crazy.
Today I wake up to a voicemail, it was him, asking me to call him back. I had a feeling what it was for. I thought maybe he needed me to pick up something in Chicago or from his home. Well, he asked me for $$$
He continued to explain why and when he would pay me back even after I told him I would send it. I think he thought it would be harder to convince me.
He knows that I'm not working and cant borrow $ but I'm lending it to him. I calld this a stupid move and would have said nooooooooo but I'm not. I'm not going to play it safe this time, I'm letting my feelings guide me instead of my brain.
He calls when he needs money and I say ok. LOL I'm so stupid!
So with that i'm off to Western Union to wire $$$ to Ecuador.
I say i'm so stupid cause he has been gone for almost 3 months and have only spoken to him twice since he has been gone and those 2 calls have been in the last 2 days. Me nace darle este dinero, yesterday when I spoke to him I wanted to tell him if he was ok with $$$ if he needed to borrow but stopped myself cause i'm not in the position to let people borrow from me. Now here I am giving it up.
People i'm broke, i'm living on my saving that according to my coculations will last me another 3 months, after that i'm in trouble I will have to work at HEAVENLY BODYS cause I need cash money everyday!
Friday, February 13, 2009
I'm loving TG
He is a kind and honest man. He is a gentleman and treats me right. I hung out with him again and again headed to Hopleaf. We had a great time. He loves spending time with me.
He has been cooking for me too! He is a great cook, I joked that I would cook for him next time (I'm kidding) and he laughed! He knows that I cant really cook, but I can make a kick ass sandwich! :)
He has been cooking for me too! He is a great cook, I joked that I would cook for him next time (I'm kidding) and he laughed! He knows that I cant really cook, but I can make a kick ass sandwich! :)
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